Motherhood 3.0 – Between giving your all and refusing to give up
Welcome to the family enterprise – unpaid, nonstop, and applause-free
The alarm goes off. Breakfast is on the table. The birthday party is planned, the PTA meeting is on your mind, grandma as well, and the laundry pile is quietly being ignored. Welcome to the club: it’s called Mental Load – and no, it’s not the latest yoga trend, but a chronic state.
Motherhood in 2025 means project management, emotional logistics, crisis coordination. Every. Single. Day. Our social systems may look modern, but they’re built on Stone Age blueprints. While gender roles have shifted on the surface, the daily chaos still lands squarely on women’s shoulders. And now, there’s data to back it up: the German “Vermächtnisstudie 2023” (Legacy Study) confirms what countless mothers have long known – in 18 out of 21 areas of everyday life, women are doing the planning, organizing, and anticipating.
In short: without mothers, the system collapses. And no one seems to notice.
The helper illusion: Why dads aren’t sidekicks
Many fathers genuinely want to do more. But good intentions often hit a wall: persistent gender norms, workplace attendance culture, and old-school management mindsets. A dad handling daycare sick calls still gets looks like a peacock on the subway.
Nearly three-quarters of dads point to their employer as the barrier. About half fear career damage from taking extended parental leave. This is reality in 2025: the system is stuck while families have already moved forward.
As long as dads “help out” rather than take equal responsibility, care work stays personal – and moms stay in charge. Spoiler: If you’re getting help, you’re not being treated as equal. If you’re sharing responsibility, you are.
The "Good Mother" myth: burnout with a pink bow
On top of real-life logistics hovers the ghost of the “good mother.” She’s meant to be loving, selfless, endlessly available – and somehow also cool, slim, and resilient. Mothers who say “no” are labeled difficult. Those who claim space are deemed selfish.
But what if that resistance is not rebellion, but self-care? What if those moms – the tired ones, the angry ones, the crystal-clear ones – are exactly who we need right now? The ones who say: Enough. Not because they don’t care. But because they want to be seen – not just on Mother’s Day with flowers, but every day with shared responsibility.
What Is the 2023 legacy study?
The “Vermächtnisstudie” is a long-term German research project led by ZEIT, WZB, and infas, running since 2015. It regularly surveys what people in Germany think about major social issues – and how they actually live.
The 2023 edition focused on family life. It confirmed what many women have long felt but rarely had data to prove: the mental, emotional, and organizational burden in families lies disproportionately with women – and is structurally overlooked.
The care shift starts at the kitchen table
Mental load isn’t a private problem. It’s political. Care work isn’t a lifestyle choice – it’s the backbone of society. What we need is a new conversation about distribution, visibility, and power. And it starts with questions that go beyond flowers:
💥 When was the last time you had time just for yourself?
💥 What would you ask for if no one rolled their eyes?
💥 What if the parent-teacher night wasn’t the last battle in your daily boss fight?
Conclusion: We don’t need heroes, we need allies
Mothers aren’t “the silent heroines of our time.” They are the structural pillars of a society that would crash without them. And they are tired of being thanked with stereotypes.
So let’s renegotiate responsibility. Not with guilt, not with applause for “helping out,” but with real equality – in our minds, our calendars, and our care work.
Mental load by the numbers
Work unseen
18 out of 21 daily tasks: handled by women. Thanks, but no thanks.
Blocked dads
73% of fathers: say work expectations prevent more involvement at home.
Career fear
49% of men: believe long parental leave harms their career. (Newsflash: It does for women, too – still no one cares.)
Unpaid load
OECD data: Women spend 2.5x more time on unpaid work than men, globally.
Care costs
70% of women: cite financial reasons for why dads stay less involved in care work.
