Why midlife is the moment when real life begins for many women
The phrase midlife crisis usually brings a familiar image to mind: a convertible, a few impulsive life decisions, and the quiet panic of a single question — Is this it?
Julia von Winterfeldt sees things differently. For the founder of the leadership consultancy Soulworx, midlife is not a collapse. It’s a wake-up call. The moment when life suddenly asks a question that can no longer be ignored.
“Midlife is the chance to hear the call of who you really are.”
She explores this phase in her podcast Midlife, where she speaks with entrepreneurs, executives and thought leaders about what happens when people reach the middle of their lives and begin to look at their choices — and themselves — in a new light.
Because midlife is not a brief episode. Sociologists generally place this phase somewhere between the late thirties and the early sixties — longer, in fact, than our youth. And yet surprisingly little attention is paid to what this period of life actually represents.
Perhaps because it can be uncomfortable.
When the questions begin
Midlife rarely arrives with a dramatic turning point. More often, it begins quietly.
A job that suddenly feels strangely empty. A relationship that feels more like routine than connection. Or that vague sense that something, somewhere, no longer fits.
On the surface, life is often stable. Careers are progressing. Families function. Daily routines are well established. And yet a question emerges that many people have managed to push aside for years:
Is this really my life?
Julia von Winterfeldt sees this pattern frequently in her work with leaders and organisations. By midlife, many people have built lives that make perfect sense according to society’s expectations — but not necessarily according to their own inner compass.
“Many of us have been living a story that was written for us,” she says. “By society, or by the expectations we grew up with.”
When the questions begin
The hardest step in midlife is not change.
It is honesty.
Admitting that some decisions may have been shaped by adaptation rather than authenticity. That recognition sometimes mattered more than meaning. Or that the life you have built works perfectly well — but doesn’t entirely feel like your own.
Julia describes this process as unfolding in three stages: honesty, exploration and, finally, remembering.
Because midlife is less about reinventing ourselves than about returning to something we once knew.
“I don’t believe we reinvent ourselves,” she says. “We remember who we have always been.”
The moment of honesty
In the first half of life, success tends to be measured in familiar ways: career, status, achievement.
Many women excel in exactly these categories. They build companies, lead teams, organise families and communities.
But at some point, the measure shifts.
External success may remain the same — but its meaning begins to change.
“Success is no longer about proving something,” Julia von Winterfeldt says. “Success becomes about being aligned with yourself.”
It sounds simple. Yet it is one of the most radical shifts a person can experience.
Who are we without our roles?
Manager.
Partner.
Mother.
Entrepreneur.
Many women define themselves through these roles — and often for very good reasons. But when those roles begin to shift or fall away, a new and sometimes unsettling question appears:
Who am I without them?
For Julia, this marks the transition into a new phase of life. Not because everything must change, but because decisions become more conscious.
Relationships often change as well. Friendships, partnerships and professional connections are viewed through a more honest lens. Which relationships truly support me — and which ones no longer do?
The most underestimated phase of life
Midlife has an image problem. We tend to associate it with crisis, loss or stagnation.
But perhaps it is the opposite.
Perhaps it is the first moment in life when we are truly free to choose — free from expectations, free from outdated roles and free from stories that were never really ours to begin with.
Or, as Julia von Winterfeldt puts it:
“Midlife is the chance to hear the call of who you really are — and to follow it.”
And perhaps this is precisely where the most interesting chapter of our lives begins.
What is Midlife?
Midlife — the underestimated phase of life
Midlife is often associated with the term midlife crisis. In reality, it describes a longer transitional period in life.
Age range
Sociological studies generally place midlife between the ages of roughly 39 and 62.
Typical shifts during midlife
- Career transitions or re-evaluation
- Changes in relationships
- Children becoming independent
- Physical or health-related changes
- Deeper questions about purpose and meaning
Why midlife matters
Many people begin to reflect more consciously on their lives during this period and start aligning their decisions more closely with their own values.
For Julia von Winterfeldt, midlife is therefore not a crisis, but an opportunity:
“Midlife is the chance to hear the call of who you really are.”